Friday, June 11, 2010
The Crime Dog
Most of you should see the irony in the above photo. The most hilarious part is that she has no idea who McGruff the Crime Dog even is. She thought it was Scooby Doo dressed up for a wedding. When I tried to explain that he was the "Crime Dog", she told me that "Mommy had a lot of gwime on her hands when we were burying those things, and getting rid of all those dirty chickens."
It seems there was some kind of difficulty on the chicken circuit when the girls were in Louisiana. People down there are already touchy about the whole livelihood being lost thing, and when you incorporate the white, female owner of the infamous Timothy Rojo and her 40 lb. traveling companion in situations like that you sometimes get trouble. Trouble usually gets resolved with boxcutters with these two.
Anyway, this is the following Sunday, when they had to "dig some holes and bury some twash." They really do seem to enjoy their activities together
It's nice when a mother and daughter can share some quality time!
We also got to go to the baseball game that afternoon, where La Chica Blanca was able to capture on film what the tolerance of a 40 lb. traveling companion is.
BEFORE
AFTER
"Somebody has to do quawity contwol!"
Friday, May 07, 2010
More Quotes & Examples
It's been a while since I did any updating, so I thought I'd do some more quotes and explanations of some of our more recent photos.
The above picture is priceless, since Pnut McNugget looks completely terrified. What you don't see is the police car driving by in the street behind me. She totally freaks out when she's holding. I should add, however, that you shouldn't laugh and comment on how funny she looked because she is always holding a boxcutter. See below.
This next one is cute, the girls were "playing" in the park while we were in San Antonio. Said park just happened to be filled with addicts and vagrants. Coincidence?
She is nearly in hysterics here, and asking La Chica Blanca, "Did you take all of those, Mommy? I just said to hold on to them! Oh, you are so wasted!"
This is where they went to relax after their "trip" to the playground. They kept calling this thing Sean.
They talked about cabezas and melons for about 45 minutes.
It's truly like traveling with the insane, and violent.
"What kind of dipshit wears a leather beret? Does he think he's in Motorhead?"
Thursday, April 01, 2010
HALF DECADE
The illustrious leader of the Curlew Syndicate celebrated half a decade of wreaking havoc and terrifying her minions earlier last month. The above photo is particularly telling, since she is not really showing me her age but the number of bodies she needed me to load in my truck for a "wide into the bay". It's an awful job, but so cute the way she says "wide" instead of ride. It's actually more of a drop from a low bridge, but she loves all the splashing.
This next shot is also very cute, but also deceptive. This is Flags the tiger, who she won at one of those carnival games that she is just uncannily good at! We are currently banned from the Texas State Fair, Oysterfest, Shrimporee and a few other events due to her propensity for being able to dominate their shenanigans. Anyway, it looks like she is loving on that tiger, but she has actually just finished gutting it with her jewel encrusted Hannah Montana boxcutter, that fountain is filled with that cotton filler, and she is getting ready to say, "Daddy, we can get about 4 kiwos of meff in this sumbitch!" She loves to drive down to Mexico, that one.
This next shot is also very cute, but also deceptive. This is Flags the tiger, who she won at one of those carnival games that she is just uncannily good at! We are currently banned from the Texas State Fair, Oysterfest, Shrimporee and a few other events due to her propensity for being able to dominate their shenanigans. Anyway, it looks like she is loving on that tiger, but she has actually just finished gutting it with her jewel encrusted Hannah Montana boxcutter, that fountain is filled with that cotton filler, and she is getting ready to say, "Daddy, we can get about 4 kiwos of meff in this sumbitch!" She loves to drive down to Mexico, that one.
Adios, we're off to Progreso! Adios is what she says when we throw things from bridges.
In other sad news, the San Antonio Zoo no longer has a grizzly bear. Her majesty took offense to my comments about this particular photo, and took matters into her own vice-like, steely little claws. "That bear is stupid!" Not anymore, sadly, not anymore...
R.I.P. Sunshine 1998-2010 (Sunshine is the bear.)
Friday, December 04, 2009
Training
Training is a never ending process when you want to be a member of the Curlew Syndicate.
Master and pupil.
Master and pupil.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Quotes & Examples
Since there are a few folks out there who think that I am making up all of these posts, and that "sweet little Fay would never say something like that", I have decided to publish some recent photos with the exact quote or situation that either preceded or followed it. Perhaps this will lend some insight into the cruel world of chicken fighting and meth distribution that I (as well as the other members of the Curlew Syndicate) currently live with on a daily basis.
"See all these big buildings behind me, Daddy? I will own them before you die." This next picture was taken just after I was allowed to come up for air after mistakenly only packing 2 juice boxes for our trip to the pool. I'm saying, "I'm ok", and vomiting a little. She is saying, "You're so lucky there are other guests down here, Aquaman."
This next one has something to do with voodoo (the ladies spend a lot of time in Louisiana), and I'm fairly certain that I am in some sort of trouble that will involve dressing in drag.
Just after she got this cute little airbrush tattoo, she told me
"I'm not getting any real tattoos, they document that shit, dumbass."
The tattoo lady didn't really appreciate that.
"I'm not getting any real tattoos, they document that shit, dumbass."
The tattoo lady didn't really appreciate that.
I'm sure most of you can tell from this picture that this is not going to go well at all. Fay told this nice lady from Support Texas Farms,
"This chicken ain't worth shit. Timothy would turn this into blood and feathers. Right, Mommy?"
That was awkward.
This last one will probably get me in some hot water, since the ladies don't like me documenting some aspects of their exploits.
Picture removed due to threats to my life.
They had just "wokened up" from something that involved 2 of the guys from Kings of Leon, "some of that hippy lady's chickens", and the drummer for "some other shitass band". Fay had just told La Chica Blanca the following:
"Goddam, lady. Those Tennessee hilljacks know nothing about chickens, or dice. Where are your pants? Let's see who's running at La Retama."
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Curlew Syndicate
As most of you already know, we have quite the little criminal at our house. Lately all the benjamins and meff have really started going to her head. Not only is she dressing in outlandish outfits made of silk and diamonds,
But she has now decided that she needs to "expand her opewation". She told me that although Chica Blanca is her numewa una, she thinks that she needs some more expertise in different areas. "You can't make a living with chickens, daddy, and mommy loves those dirty things." Which is true!
So, on our vacation to Florida, she recruited a few new members from up North. I'm still not sure that these were the best selections, but then again I don't have a meth distribution outfit or a tri-state monopoly on fighting chickens.
Meet Double W, the White Whale. He is responsible for Fay's new interest in white collar crime.
So, on our vacation to Florida, she recruited a few new members from up North. I'm still not sure that these were the best selections, but then again I don't have a meth distribution outfit or a tri-state monopoly on fighting chickens.
Meet Double W, the White Whale. He is responsible for Fay's new interest in white collar crime.
This is the Quarter, also known as LT. Look how happy she is to have been selected to be a member. It was all laughter and popsicles for the first few hours!
You'll notice that Fay and the Quarter have a lot in common (glug, glug)!
It was not long after this pic that LT was told the following, "Get your smiley ass in the car, get to Publix and get some supplies! And get daddy some Budweiser!" Needless to say, the Quarter took care of business asap.
It was not long after this pic that LT was told the following, "Get your smiley ass in the car, get to Publix and get some supplies! And get daddy some Budweiser!" Needless to say, the Quarter took care of business asap.
You can still see a little attitude on the Quarter in this shot, but let's just say that when Fay saw she only brought a 12-pack that there was a whole new look on her face, called broken nose.
Things really sort of degenerated after this. I'll try to document what I remember, so that those hoping to be part of the Curlew Syndicate will know what they are getting into. As Fay told me, "No more fucking amateurs. I'm sick of doing twaining!"
The photo below was taken just after the beer run, and just before Fay screamed, "How am I supposed to reach my Arnold Palmer, goddamit!" She also made them build a bed on the porch for her and Duck Man X (I'm not allowed to talk much about him).
Things really sort of degenerated after this. I'll try to document what I remember, so that those hoping to be part of the Curlew Syndicate will know what they are getting into. As Fay told me, "No more fucking amateurs. I'm sick of doing twaining!"
The photo below was taken just after the beer run, and just before Fay screamed, "How am I supposed to reach my Arnold Palmer, goddamit!" She also made them build a bed on the porch for her and Duck Man X (I'm not allowed to talk much about him).
She really seems to be so happy and calm, and then it's like a hyena attacks!
The following day, Fay took Double W and the Quarter down to the beach to show them the new locations she'd been scouting. It looks like she's not even paying attention, but believe me, she is. There is a 120 volt cattle prod underneath that towel, just ask the Whale.
The following day, Fay took Double W and the Quarter down to the beach to show them the new locations she'd been scouting. It looks like she's not even paying attention, but believe me, she is. There is a 120 volt cattle prod underneath that towel, just ask the Whale.
Finally, there was the big mistake on the final day of our vacation. The new guys decided to arrive at the beach 7 minutes late, without even a cooler.
Fay then demonstrated for them what would happen the very next time they were late.
That's right, if you're late, she cuts off your feet! She's brutal, and effective in imprinting terror on all around her.
This final set of pictures says it all, look at the terror in the eyes of Double W when Fay asks me to demonstrate where his feet will be, it really tells the whole story.
