Saturday, June 18, 2005
WHY POLAR BEARS ARE THE GREATEST!
I spend alot of time wishing that I was a polar bear. This is the reason why:
Polar Bears are extremely crafty and patient hunters. They have very little fear and have even been filmed killing Stranded Beluga Whales. On rare occasions, isolated Beluga Whales get trapped under the vast sheets of floating ice packs. They are forced to come up for air in any remaining “Seal Holes” in the ice that they can locate. When this rare event happens, the Polar Bears take full advantage of it! Groups of Polar Bears will often surround the exhausted Beluga Whales. As they come up to take a breath they are attacked with claws and teeth until they die. Total bummer for the whale, total feast for the bear! A classic example of survival of the fittest in nature!
I think that polar bears must be the coolest bears ever! Except, of course, for Sunshine. For those who don't know, Sunshine is the 900 lb. "cinnamon bear" that attacked and killed Darrell's great-grandfather at the Cleveland Zoo back in the 1800s. I guess she was angry because he had promised to bring her 3 loafs of bread, but instead only brought her 2. It seems that cruel jokes like that were always sort of funny for that family. Unfortunately, Sunshine acted a little too late as Darrells ancestor had already been born, time took it's course, and then we had the incident on Super Bowl weekend a couple years ago.
Also, I'm afraid of bears.
Polar Bears are extremely crafty and patient hunters. They have very little fear and have even been filmed killing Stranded Beluga Whales. On rare occasions, isolated Beluga Whales get trapped under the vast sheets of floating ice packs. They are forced to come up for air in any remaining “Seal Holes” in the ice that they can locate. When this rare event happens, the Polar Bears take full advantage of it! Groups of Polar Bears will often surround the exhausted Beluga Whales. As they come up to take a breath they are attacked with claws and teeth until they die. Total bummer for the whale, total feast for the bear! A classic example of survival of the fittest in nature!
I think that polar bears must be the coolest bears ever! Except, of course, for Sunshine. For those who don't know, Sunshine is the 900 lb. "cinnamon bear" that attacked and killed Darrell's great-grandfather at the Cleveland Zoo back in the 1800s. I guess she was angry because he had promised to bring her 3 loafs of bread, but instead only brought her 2. It seems that cruel jokes like that were always sort of funny for that family. Unfortunately, Sunshine acted a little too late as Darrells ancestor had already been born, time took it's course, and then we had the incident on Super Bowl weekend a couple years ago.
Also, I'm afraid of bears.
Monday, June 13, 2005
RECENT BELUGA SIGHTING
I'm back at work today, and as if that didn't suck enough on it's own, I received the following email regarding a sighting of that damn beluga.
i saw THE naples beluga last night at elliot's batchelor party. what a beluga he is. naked women abast, rubbing themselves and others while the beluga preoccupied himself with patting my ass like a football player. he almost got a punch square in the nuts.
You see what we're dealing with here! Borderline retarded.
i saw THE naples beluga last night at elliot's batchelor party. what a beluga he is. naked women abast, rubbing themselves and others while the beluga preoccupied himself with patting my ass like a football player. he almost got a punch square in the nuts.
You see what we're dealing with here! Borderline retarded.
